Clearer photo here.
It seems the Lance haters are at it again, and this time they may have duped even the AP. In a national enquirer-esque photo, LA appears to be over-enunciating his L’s at Bert. (coincidentally, he may also be showing Bert his new ‘i-can-touch-my-nose-with-my-tongue’ trick. Not quite Lance, but keep working, you’ll get it.) It appears, however, that one commenter felt as though this image was a forgery.
No one actually wrote, “this is so photo-shopped it's painful...look at the lighting on lance's shoulder. If that were the only indication it would be fine...but how about the clarity of the photos of the two. Bert is somewhat blurry...notice the sram logos on his levers and the fact that you can't read his SRM. Now look at Lance, sram is clear, so's the big B on his stem. The lines around Lance's image are too clean...as are the lines around Bert's left arm. This photo was not taken...it was created. Dramatic yes, but a forgery nonetheless...for shame.”
It is clearer in the picture from Velonews (thanks for putting out some quality, gang). It seems even LA didn’t recall this ‘encounter’—maybe because it didn’t happen.
On a more serious note, however, this image has been plastered all over the web much to the consternation of LA’s medical advisors. (you wouldn’t know it, though, from the RS website which proudly posts this alongside the other stage 4 TDF photos…). It seems one of the greatest concerns of Lance’s conditioning prior to the Tour is coming to fruition. In what is fast becoming the latest dependency disease, phantom texting it seems has claimed yet another victim.
Phantom texting is the common term for a sub-category of Mobile Application Dependency Disorder or MADD. Not to be confused with the group Mothers Against Drunk Driving (also MADD), this condition is marked by an incessant physical need to manipulate a mobile device. This specific sub-condition is psychosomatic driven by a compulsive need to monitor social networking sites such as facebook and twitter along with mobile messaging services such as text messages and blackberry chat.
Symptoms are especially noticeable as clearly indicated by this photo from the roads of rural northern
This condition has elevated itself in Lance’s case to the most serious levels. Someone who is definitely not a medical professional might say, “Once it hits this point, there’s no going back. The neurological manifestations of phantom texting are irreversible. He will continue to press away at his invisible phone like that for years to come. It’s going to be a long sad retirement for Mr. Armstrong and his family. This will, no doubt, be hardest on them.”
To misquote no one important, “I was always worried this condition would interfere with Lance’s ambitions in the Tour de France. He is so dependent on tweeting about this and that and letting the world know about how awesome his life is, that it’s now affecting his performance. He wakes up to tweet that he’s sleeping, for example, and it’s like calling my four year old to the table, ‘Lance, put down the phone and come to dinner please…’ It’s really hard to see something so silly take control of a man’s life like this.”
Again, the non-medical-professional might follow-up with, “Removing the device was commonly accepted initially as the form of treatment for mobile dependency. It was only after such treatments that we were made aware of this condition. Eventually, we noticed that the user could not stop the physical manifestations. In fact, MRI studies showed that the brain truly believes the device is still present. It’s still a mystery for now, albeit a truly sad mystery.”
He or she might also indicate that studies are currently underway to determine if there is a link between the disorder and the microwaves these devices emit. It seems that there may be something to the often-ridiculed paranoia about holding mobile devices near the head.
This week Lance has suffered more than bad crashes and untimely punctures. The real story here is that the American cycling hero is now on the receiving end of some bikarma comeuppances. It seems that the cancer-conquering hero is on the backswing of his numerous victories (7 TDF wins, beating cancer, breaking up with Sheryl Crow and upgrading to current baby-mama Anna Hansen just to name a few) and his days are doomed to be filled by a twitter feed with no outlet and amateur photo shop hack artists.
Hang in there Lance-a-lot. We’ve still got your back.
On a side-note, Levi has fallen victim to the photo-shopping as well:
We’re looking at you George Lucas…Darth Leipheimer does have a nice ring to it and would sell some films, though...
